Posts Tagged ‘anxiety’

Though I haven’t yet left, the departure date is daily nearing. Every single day, never fail, I get the question…”are you nervous, you’re leaving soon right?”

And every time I don’t really know how to respond.

No. For some bizarre reason I am not nervous. I don’t know whether its the inability for my mind to process the fact that I am stranding myself in a completely foreign culture. The fact that I’m in for a rude awakening. Or merely that I’m not really a person to stress out over things. I am slowly and steadily accomplishing tasks I need in order to leave. I make lists, I check things off, I read up on questions I have, I dot all i’s and cross all t’s. I never ever look beyond tomorrow, or next weekend. I think that maybe then the panic would set in…and that wouldn’t really be good. No way hosea.

Excepting the whole learning mandarin thing. From the beginning I was excited at no verb conjugations, at a seemingly straight forward language. And then. The tones. Damn those tones, and my inherent a-tonality. I do admit I have not tried very hard, but at the same time its a little daunting. This is no “go to france with 5 years of french under your belt” its more of a go somewhere where r’s make tz noises and c’s make r noises. Not to mention the whole characters thing….no no no. So I have my flash cards, my internet robot voices to teach me, and the subtle panic of the fact that no one ever learns Mandarin or any language through osmosis–which was how I was kind of hoping to get it. Maybe rub my head on tina really hard and bam, I TOO have been to chinese school every saturday morning for 15 years.

Maybe not.

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