Posts Tagged ‘dating’


Perusing the blogosphere, stumbled upon this:

Jezebel’s Western/Asian fetishes

While it barely scratches the surface, I’ve seen evidence over and over of this exact scenario here. I would confidently say 85% of Western men here have/are interested in Asian girls.

Its interesting in bars to walk up to a guy with Tina and instantly see what happens. Their eyes snap to Tina and immediately start chatting…Asian fetish. Why bother. Back to square one, pick someone new.

I have met some guys here very interested in Asian culture, travel, or here to study mandarin, but frankly there are ALOT of men here who simply enjoy being worshipped by Asian women. These girls follow them around, are very quiet and submissive, and also see it as a status symbol, as if they are better than other asian women since they snagged a western man. I guess its a win/win situation, but I always wonder about the depth of the relationship. After dating my share of local Asian boys I do know that the culture boundary is often too high to surmount. For those who actually marry (and alot do) does this power division always remain? Do the men actually enjoy these silent, shadowy girls? Is that enough?

However, for example, a month or two ago I was having dinner with an American guy friend, and one of his close friends. I had met this guy with his Asian girlfriend several times before. She wasn’t there tonight, apparently they had broken up. As we were chatting and eating, he stopped and said “Wow, its so strange to have a girl join the conversation. You actually talk and have an opinion, haha that’s crazy”. I don’t think he meant it in a bad way about his ex-girlfriend but just that, that was how it was. She was very quiet, and the guys always chatted amongst themselves, be it because the English was too fast for her, or she just had nothing to relate to their arguments.

I hear alot here that I am very outgoing, loud, brash. But I don’t really believe so. Sure I am confident about myself, but I think that it is only in contrast to these Asian girlfriend stereotypes where you can see the difference. I ask my asian guy friends…do their girlfriends act quiet-like thisĀ  as well, or are they more forceful with same-culture-matches? Is it all a front? Perhaps I just haven’t been here long enough to understand fully, my viewpoints have changed again and again as I get more experience interacting with people here.

If you do see a western guy on the street he is very very often with his asian girlfriend. If you do manage to see a western girl (I feel that there are ALOT more foreign men here than girls, either that or they are ALL hiding from me) I have never, ever seen one with an asian boyfriend. Why? Why is this?

The only reasons I can come up with is that American/Western girls are more attracted to the western esthetic…sporty, strong, all-american. Needless to say, you will not find that very often in the men here. Murses are carried, hair product is carefully applied, and thin, lanky body types abound in the men here. Timidity is not really a thing one wants in a boyfriend, I guess with a girl that’s great but a guy? Not so hot.

I guess I’m unusual in that my “type” plays more closely to the kind of guys here than the sporty kind. Give me a guy with some dorky glasses, tight pants, and some shaggy hair any day over some guy fresh from the gym. When me and Tina people watch in Taipei, its funny to watch her go for the “western” style guys and me play straight into the most asian of asians…. I didn’t even know this about myself before I came here. Strange.

Those that I have dated, with some I get the sneaking suspicion that I’ve being dated purely for novelty, for show. Like, look I’m an Asian boy AND I got myself this white girl, Wooo I am awesome.

It’s not really a great feeling to have. It part of the several hurdles I’ve faced. Also the fact that since my Chinese skills are abysmal, and most people here are pretty insecure about their English speaking skills, I only attract men so cocky about themselves (and their english) that they are kind of assholes.

Not to say I haven’t met several charming boys, very sweet and polite. In the end though, its all too different and I feel alot of it has been interesting, and eye opening, but “interesting” shouldn’t really be an adjective you use for relationships, now should it?

I’m not sure if I have made too many over-arching generalizations, or been inadvertantly racist in my stereotyping, but I’m only voicing what I, myself, have thought about and observed in my months here. Please let me know what you think, anecdotes, etc. I’m really very interested. I feel like I could fill books and books with all the cultural nuances I notice and think about here.

(haha some very old, unflattering photos of the king of vain himself. I think this was failed asian dating attempt #4. Reasons? Secret other girlfriend….not cool mr. not cool at all)

will2 willandi

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Here we go again. Attempt #4: Dates that cross the cultural divide. It be nice for at least one of these not to be a giant catastrophe. However it is starting with a Tom Cruise film, which already does not bode well. Tom Cruise? Really? Zhende ma?

Slept really well. Maybe because I was exhausted. Met another person from Macedonia at a house party last night. WTF. Apparently in this giant city I run into two guys from a tiny eastern European country who do not know each other. To quote Alexander, “Really? There is another Macedonian? I must meet this man.”

I really do relish the international opportunities and the mixture of accents. I had someone pull out a pretty convincing Southern accent last night, its nice to hear it sometimes, most accents are so standardized here. Though I can now tell the difference between British, South African, andĀ  Austrailian accents with a little HongKong British thrown in.

Beer Pong last night. A bizarre thing that I just can’t place in the framework of Taipei. The fact that half the people there didn’t know how to play was also amusing. I guess I just took it for granted that in college, this is what you do with your freetime. Apparently not…thank you frat houses?

Time to crawl out of the cocoon of blankets and greet the day (afternoon)…I think its time for lunch at Mr. Donut and some strong cups of coffee.


A photo snapped in the garden near our apartment.

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